Recently I was talking to one of my partners and she said she read my “No Blowjob is Worth the Heartache” post from January 2022. She said something to the effect of asking someone how good you are at giving blowjobs can sometimes backfire.

I have three partners. Each of them gives amazing blowjobs. Each one feels completely different, and I look forward to each one no matter what. Why? Because each of them has the one thing that makes a blowjob great: enthusiasm.

My ex-girlfriend who gave amazing head was enthusiastic too, but with her it always seemed like she was trying to get me off as quickly as possible — as if she was doing it to prove to herself how good she was. And yes, they were pretty phenomenal. But technical skill isn’t the most important part. Not by a long shot.

My ex who I broke up with last April gave good blowjobs, because she was enthusiastic about doing it. A woman I had a one-night stand with last year gave good blowjobs (despite not having a lot of technical skill) because she was enthusiastic about doing it. My second wife? Enthusiastic. (And also quite good.) My first wife? Not so much — I know she didn’t want to be doing it, so even though they were technically proficient they just didn’t feel as good.

The best blowjobs I’ve ever had were all about enthusiasm and enjoyment. My partner was actively happy about what she was doing, and she was enjoying pleasing me.

I mean, I get off from giving head — from giving pleasure — and yes, while I have been told I’m technically proficient, I don’t think that’s what makes me good at it. I’m enthusiastic about doing it, and I enjoy doing it — two vitally-important things.

So if you’re concerned your blowjobs aren’t “good” enough… don’t be. Just be enthusiastic, and enjoy yourself. Your partner will appreciate that. Trust me.