Last year, I had a reasonably-bad breakup with a woman I’d been seeing for 18 months. Truthfully we had been growing apart for more of the relationship than we had been growing together, and the breakup had been on the horizon for some time. I won’t rehash the exact things that happened because, well, that’s private.

But recently she messaged me, telling me she didn’t like the way we left things, and asked to get together to talk “or whatever”. She also asked for another chance, but I said no to that — I’m polysaturated, but even if I wasn’t, I don’t want to get back into a relationship with her. She’s intelligent and kind, but it didn’t work for a long time and I don’t want to relive that just to have to break up again.

Anyway… after I said no (but that we could get together to talk), she heavily, heavily implied that she would be willing to give me a blowjob if we got together. I don’t mean she used to withhold them — she never did; she wasn’t that kind of a woman, and anyway she loves giving head. I mean she was dangling it in front of me as a reward if I gave her another chance.

Realistically speaking, this woman’s blowjobs are in the top five of blowjobs I’ve received. They’re so intense that I can barely last a couple of minutes before she’s swallowing. Which is nice, but I also like to enjoy the experience, and I can’t really do that in two minutes or fewer. (She, on the other hand, preened like crazy that she was able to get me off so fast with her mouth.) I certainly wouldn’t mind getting regular blowjobs from her.

However, no blowjob is worth the heartache that came with that relationship. There were so many things wrong with it that they almost always outweighed what was right with it. Sometimes you just have to turn down a phenomenal blowjob because your mental and emotional health is worth more to you than a brief period of pleasure.

I don’t hate this woman — far from it. Just because we had a bad breakup doesn’t mean I harbor her any ill will. And sure, I appreciate the offer. I’m just not going to take her up on it.

Besides, given my current slate of partners, if I want a phenomenal blowjob, all I have to do is ask one of them.