Hi, my name is JJ Rose, and I own a fleshlight.

Okay, it’s not actually a fleshlight; it is, however, a fleshlight-shaped toy that I can insert my penis into to receive pleasure.

Point is, I have one, and that’s okay.

I feel like there’s still a stigma around men owning strokers, and I don’t really know why. Women own vibrators and dildos of all shapes, sizes, colors, and intensities; they have some that are for clitoral stimulation and some that are for internal stimulation; they have some shaped like penises and some shaped like computer mice. They also wear butt plugs — and I would say a much higher percentage than you think own at least one of those little jeweled plugs. No one says boo to a woman who has one, or two, or several sex toys.

But if you’re a man and you own a stroker, I doubt you go volunteering that information to your partners. In fact, I bet you don’t tell them at all; you probably keep it hidden in the bottom of a drawer where you hope your partners will never see it.

Why is there a stigma? Why is it not okay for men to own toys they can use to get themselves off? (Fine, yes, in the kink and sex-positive community, it’s okay, but your average Western dude probably wouldn’t want people to know he has a stroker or a prostate stimulator or a specific dildo he uses in his butt when he’s alone.) And why is considered “normal” for a woman to own certain sex toys, but “weird” or “gross” for a man to own certain ones?

There are literally dozens of videos on Pornhub (like this one) where a woman uses a stroker on a man until he reaches orgasm. And I’m sure there’s a nonzero percentage of men who would love it if a woman would use a stroker on them. Hell, I’ve written this into a scene in an as-yet-unpublished novelette. And I’ve read at least one story where a woman has a stroker inserted into her and then the man fucks it instead of her.

Strokers can be hot. They can be fun. They can be used alone, or with another person. The one I have feels fucking amazing. Why does there have to be a stigma around them? Why do men have to feel embarrassed about using them?

They don’t.

Stroke with pride, my friends. Stroke with pride.