Did you know the fifth anniversary’s traditional gift is made of wood? Because I didn’t. 

Partner 1 and I recently celebrated five years together, and as a gift, she got me a new wooden spoon, custom-made by Madly and Deeply. Instead of having a bowl, it has a flat surface at the end (so it’s really more of a paddle, I guess) and one side has a suede surface. 

On our anniversary, I was feeling kind of blah pretty much all day, and I didn’t know why. We went out and had a nice dinner, and we watched a show on TV, and we went to bed, intending to have some spankytimes and some sexytimes. But when we got to the bedroom, I hugged her and she could tell that I wasn’t really feeling it. I had no reason not to be; nothing bad had happened that day (except that I hadn’t written anything, and Tuesdays are generally a day during which I get writing done at work). We talked for a minute, and before we resigned ourselves to a night of cuddles, she offered me the opportunity to try the new spoon.

It took literally four swats to turn my mood around. Maybe it was seeing her gorgeous backside; maybe it was the spanking. I don’t know. But we decided to give it a shot, and, lo and behold, there were spankytimes and there were sexytimes. 

We always said my spankings were magical because, when we met, she had a health problem, and after her first spanking from me it went away for a few weeks. I guess they’re also magical in the other direction, because they can wipe away blah feelings and turn things around to make a night better. I don’t know why it works; I just know it works. And that’s really all that matters.