We recently celebrated my mother’s 70th birthday with a family gathering. In attendance was one of my cousins who I know is a right-wing Trump supporter. Normally he’s intelligent enough to not bring it up at family gatherings, but he was far enough away from my parents (who have stood in as his parents since his parents died) that I guess he felt safe enough to bring it up.

I knew he was a right-winger. I knew he was a Trump supporter. But apparently he’s also racist. After bringing up the war, and how his favorite person in the current administration is Pete Hegseth, he pivoted to talking about how much he hates people like Ilhan Omar before bringing up White Replacement Theory.

Partner 1 and I were sitting across from him, another one of my cousins, and my parents’ old friend of about 30 years. My other cousin was stuck between the right-wing cousin and the friend. I wonder how my parents — who are very liberal — would feel if they knew their old friend was so right-wing. But I digress.

My cousin isn’t stupid. No, he’s not college-educated, but he is intelligent enough to own his own home and multiple vehicles (each with a specific reason for owning, not just “because I want to”), have a successful career in air conditioning and refrigeration, and on top of that he’s a responsible, caring pet owner to his tiny dog and four cats. But all of that is overshadowed by his political and social leanings. I know, because my parents have told me, that it’s because he immerses himself in the echo chamber of right-wing manosphere podcasts, social media, and news. I also know that it’s gotten worse since his mother died four years ago — maybe he felt this way back then but kept it quieter because his mother would be disappointed in him and, for all of his failings, he loved and respected his mother. His father died when he was very young, and my grandfather stepped in as his male role model, but he died about twelve years ago, right as my cousin was graduating high school. (I’m not sure of my grandparents’ political leanings, but I believe they were liberal.)

Unfortunately at this point there’s nothing I (or anyone else) can do to change him. No matter what the current administration does, he’s going to find a good excuse to support it. And I do love him; I’ve known him literally since he was a few months old (he’s about 19 years younger than me) and he’s been an important part of my family. I just wish I didn’t have to feel such disappointment every time he brings up anything political or social. Seriously, bro: stick to sports, your job, and your pets. It’s safer for everyone.