A few years ago, as Partner 1 and I began actively running AASS, we met this older gentleman who was just figuring out that it was possible to meet people into spanking in real life. We tried our best to help him enter the community in the correct way, but he was too impatient, and too opinionated, and he just did not do it right. After insulting one of our attendees at GASP 2025, we asked him to leave, and we have never seen him again.

Recently, at munches we’ve gone to, we met another older gentleman. This person is much more chill and patient; he goes to more munches, talks to more people, and is entering the community the right way. He clearly wants to do stuff, but he’s not pushy about it. He also is more than happy to talk about things not related to kink.

What’s the difference here? Thirst. The first guy was overly thirsty; the second is not. Or, at least, if he is he’s hiding it very well.

Look, I get it; when you’re learning what kink is for the first time, and that there are actual humans out there who will engage in it with you, you get frenzied and impatient. I was pretty impatient in my first foray into local dungeons, back in 2013 (more on that in a future post), and it probably showed. But even now, only thirteen years later, the landscape has changed and people are more aware of how to correctly handle their thirst. (At least, I hope so.)

I was reminded of this because I am in some spanking party chat groups and every now and then a new attendee will start posting “hello” or “is anyone there” or “awful quiet in here” on a repeated basis until someone engages with him (it’s always a man). He’ll latch onto that person and try to start a conversation, usually at least tangentially related to kink, and then he’ll hear nothing but crickets. People like this need to control their thirst. It’s exciting to go to your first spanking party, and once you buy that ticket you want to start talking about it to anyone who’ll listen. But other people in the chat will remember you as that guy and it could conceivably negatively affect your ability to find play partners when the party does roll around.

Be chill. Be patient. Don’t constantly shout into the darkness. Talk about things other than spanking. Trust me; it’ll go a long way.