My birthday happened fairly recently, and I had dinner that night with Partner 1, Partner 2, NP1, Partner 1’s kid, my kid, and my parents. (Both kids are 16.) It was a nice night for the polycule and I was feeling happy and comfortable being between my partners. We were at a fairly-loud restaurant having our appetizers when Partner 1 started coughing. She said she had a bit of jalapeño stuck in the back of her throat. I leaned over and said “I’m sure NP1 or I could knock that out for you.”

My kid heard it. And she turned bright red. I don’t think she knew if she was laughing or crying, and when I asked her, neither did she.

I mean, sure, she has to know that I’m sexually active. She probably doesn’t want to think too hard about it, but she’s pretty smart. I’m sure she knows. And if she didn’t know before, she knows now.

After tweeting about it on her private account (which only has 13 followers, she said), she showed me the tweet. It was pretty amusing, and I wish I could share it here, but it has real names in it. Suffice it to say that now those 13 people also know that I made an oral sex joke in front of my kid.

If there’s a bright side, it’s that Partner 1’s kid didn’t hear it. She asked what was going on, and then said something to the effect of: “I don’t want to know, do I?”

Pretty sure that’s an accurate statement.

I don’t think my parents heard it, and if they did, they didn’t say anything. Probably best.

I guess this is what happens when you’re happy and comfortable: you let your guard down and you say things that you might not normally say without thinking about them first.

I’d say my kid is scarred for life, but given the discussion she and I had about two weeks prior to this, I think I owed her one.