I was chatting with a friend a few days ago about how, when writing action scenes, I will intentionally lengthen or shorten sentences with various types of punctuation to control how the reader perceives the pacing of the scene. Then I added the comment:

(and sex scenes too, but I guess those fall under action)

To which she agreed. 

Then I started thinking: I control pacing in sex scenes, but do I control pacing in sex too? In other words, do I fuck like I write? 

In general, I am the… I don’t want to say “controlling” so let’s just say “dominant”… partner when it comes to sexual intercourse. Sure, there are plenty of times when my partner gets on top and rides me, but even then I exert some control over the situation. However, I’m thinking more about sex where I am the one “in charge” — which usually means face-to-face PIV sex. During that type of sex, I do control the pacing of things — it’s my decision how hard, how fast, how intense things are. It’s my decision when I want to take a break, or tease, or change angles. Just like when I write sex scenes, when I have sex I control the pacing. Over time, as I’ve learned my partners’ likes, dislikes, reactions, and trigger points, I’ve built manipulation (which sounds mean, but I don’t mean “being manipulative”) of those things into the act of sex. I know how my partners like to be fucked, and I fuck them that way. 

I guess you could say that when we’re fucking at a “normal” rate of speed, moving steadily, building my partner up to her orgasm, that would be one of my longer sentences — one that’s full of em-dashes and semi-colons and repetition or intentional run-ons; it’s an inexorable build, with lots of intense breathing, and nowhere to run or pause. When I’m going hard — quick, sharp, deep thrusts — that’s like controlled sentence fragments. Like this. Or this. Whatever it takes. I’m going to get my message across. And then, when my partner reaches orgasm, I stretch out the sentences again to mimic the way I will keep doing what I’m doing, fucking her through the orgasm and bringing her toward her next one (if she is not a one-and-done woman). There might be some weird commas or semi-colons, or even a parenthetical, to give the reader a moment to breathe, just like I might slow down a little to give my partner a moment to recover. But just a moment before we start again.

Hmm. I guess I do fuck like I write. Although, truthfully, you’d have to ask someone I’ve slept with if I’m speaking accurately.