When masturbation’s lost its fun, you’re fucking lazy

I don’t really masturbate to completion anymore. As I’ve said in the past, I’ll edge, and if I’m hard and bored I’ll stroke myself for a few minutes, but that’s about it. I just don’t find masturbation (unless I’m doing it with a partner) fun anymore, and maybe that means I’m lazy.

Although I think it’s more about the cleanup process. As a cis man, when I orgasm, there is a mess left behind. I can prepare for it by putting down towels, but my orgasms are rather powerful and I’d say about 25 percent of the time when I was on my back I would miss the towel and hit the headboard, or the bed, or my shoulder, or (on one occasion in 1996) my own face. Standing up they’re even more powerful so I have to lay out several towels in order to catch whatever falls. Then I have to put the towels in the laundry basket (which, depending on the last time I did laundry, is more than likely overflowing) and wash them, and while I do have a lot of towels, eventually I’m going to run out.

Yes, I know I could just do it in the shower, but it just doesn’t feel as good and anyway if I really want to enjoy myself I’d end up using all the hot water. Plus when I do it I usually watch a video or several on my phone, which is older and not officially rated for water resistance.

I also have a stroker — this one, to be precise. I really wanted something from Bad Dragon, but they’re just too expensive, and I trust Adam & Eve’s products. The price was reasonable, and to be fully honest, it feels fucking amazing. But there are two problems with it: (a) it feels so good and the sensations are so intense that the session is over almost before it starts (b) the cleanup is a pain in the ass (no pun intended). When I’m done masturbating, if I reach orgasm, I just kind of want to lie there and relax, but I can’t when I know that I’m going to have to clean out the toy. The actual cleaning process isn’t difficult — empty it out, wash it out, use some toy cleaner on the inside, rinse it again, and leave it to dry. It’s just time-consuming and not in any way sexy. If I’ve just come, I want to enjoy the afterglow, and cleaning out a toy is not conducive to that.

So I’ve basically stopped masturbating to completion. In some ways, it’s lost it’s fun, and I guess that means I’m fucking lazy.

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