I’m the first to admit that I don’t know everything there is to know about spanking. I’ve been doing this for more than 25 years and I’m still learning new things. But one thing it took me a while to learn was that marks and tears aren’t the be-all-end-all when it comes to spanking results.

When I wrote spanking stories in the 2000s, they always ended with bruises or bawling. Thankfully, before I published any of them in the 2010s, I revised them to include the new things I’d learned — specifically, that a spanking can be great even if it doesn’t leave marks or cause tears. I mean, with Partner 2, I will never leave a mark or cause her to cry, because she doesn’t like being spanked that hard. Does that mean the spankings I give her aren’t great? Of course it doesn’t. And sometimes I’m asked not to leave marks. I’m not always successful — everyone’s body is different — but I certainly know how to try not to leave marks.

I do still love leaving marks, and a lot of people I play with love having me leave marks on them. It just doesn’t always happen.

And tears? Tears are even harder to predict. When you’re doing a punishment scene (whether it’s for a real offense or an imagined one) it’s easier to cry because you’re in your feels. That said, I’ve bottomed for more than one punishment scene over the years and I’ve never been able to cry. Hell, one time I got a good five minutes with the Wal-Mart spoon on my bare backside and not only did I not cry but I also didn’t get any marks.

What the hell, right? Taking all that pain with nothing to show for it?

(Well, okay, not nothing. I was fairly turned-on afterward and I had something to show my partner, but that’s not what I meant and you know it.)

I’ve only had marks twice out of all the times I’ve bottomed. That doesn’t mean I’m unhappy about any of the spankings I’ve received. They’ve all been great in one way or another.

Take it from someone who’s both topped and bottomed: just because you don’t leave marks (or just because you don’t end up with marks), it doesn’t mean the spanking wasn’t successful. And just because your bottom isn’t in tears (or just because you, as the bottom, didn’t cry)… well, the same thing: it doesn’t mean the spanking wasn’t successful. Because odds are good that it was. Very much so.