I have a friend who is moving out of the country in a few weeks. We’ve known each other for almost a year, and we have similar kinks. I’ve attended parties at her house, and she’s been to my house. We’ve seen each other at events. But we’ve never played.

Until now.

I have this thing about rejection. I’m always worried I’m going to get rejected, and that paralyzes me. It happens even in relationships — I know my partners want me to tell them what to do, but I still don’t want to feel like I’m imposing. Which is a tough thing for a top. I think it stems from my first marriage — I would ask my then-wife to do certain things in bed, and she would veto them constantly. Then with my second wife, we unfortunately went through a long dead-bedroom period, where she would kindly decline sexual activities, not to hurt me, but because of other reasons that I don’t want to go into here. I’m thrilled now that I have partners who actively encourage me to tell them what I want them to do, and I’m getting better at it. Even though I sometimes still have trouble asking.

Anyway. Back to my friend. I’ve known she was moving for a short while now, and we’ve joked about doing a scene involving temperature-taking. We never set anything up.

Well, I finally asked her if she wanted to do a scene before she moved. Her answer? “Yes. All the yes.”

Whew.

I mean, I knew she wouldn’t be mean if she didn’t want to do the scene — I would always rather hear a straight-up “no” than someone hemming and hawing when they really don’t want to do something — but it was a weight off my shoulders when she did say yes.

So what’s the lesson here? Simple: if you think you have a legitimately-interested party, shoot your shot. You might end up having a great scene, getting a new play partner, or giving a friend something fun before she moves away. And if the other person says no, then at least you know.