Sub drop (and its counterpart dom drop) are fairly well-known in the kink community, and there are tons of articles discussing both. But perhaps less-discussed is poly drop. Neurochemically it’s the same thing — all the endorphins you experienced while with someone suddenly drain away, leaving you feeling super-down.

All three of my partners are kinky, and when I spend time with them, I usually do kinky things. As the top, that can lead to dom drop for me. But that gets compounded by the fact that I’m in romantic relationships with them and they spend the night. Even if we don’t have sex, there’s still that comfort and happiness that comes from sharing a bed with someone you care about. Then you have to say goodbye to them the next day, and that’s when it sets in: they won’t be there that night.

Obviously if you have a nesting partner, this is less likely to happen to you because you have someone in your bed every night, but I don’t have one of those, and it’s unlikely that any of my current partners will become a nesting partner. So I get poly drop for a day or two after they leave, and if I’ve spanked them there’s dom drop on top of it.

It’s rough. It hurts. It makes me not want to do anything except sit around and feel sorry for myself.

I’m sure that non-kinky poly people go through poly drop as well, and I’m sure it’s just as difficult for them as it is for me. But compounded drop is really awful.

What can you do to stave it off? I’m not an expert or anything, but distracting myself helps sometimes. Exercise can help too, although I hate exercise, personally. If you have a dog, take it for a walk or play with it. If it’s a particularly empathetic dog (or cat, I suppose), it’ll know you’re feeling down and want to be extra-close to you. (My dog, on the other hand, is not empathetic at all. Any time I need cuddles she refuses to come sit on the couch with me.) I’d say do your favorite thing, but drop is draining, and my favorite thing is writing, so I just end up writing posts like these.

And yes, I’m dropping right now, as I write this post, both from three good scenes two days ago and two nights in a row spent with my partners. I wouldn’t trade that time for anything, but boy does the aftermath suck.