I was recently talking to a potential new partner, and as part of my discussions with anyone I’m potentially going to have sex with, I always ask “should I keep extra towels nearby?” It’s a (what I think is) polite way to ask someone if they squirt/gush when they orgasm. I’m not asking because I fetishize it; I just like to be prepared.

That discussion reminded me of another chat I had several years ago. I had been dating this woman, and while she did get rather wet during sex, she didn’t squirt or gush. We broke up, eventually (not because of that). About a year later, she texted me. She said she had an embarrassing question. I told her it was okay, and that I would listen, so she told me that lately, every time she masturbated, she would squirt. And she didn’t like it. “How do I stop squirting?” she asked me.

I didn’t know, so I went to a friend of mine who I knew was a squirter. She said, “get a waterproof mattress cover and keep towels handy.” In other words, she didn’t know how to make it stop. So I told my ex what my friend told me. My ex said, “I guess I’ll just stop masturbating then.”

This ex is now happily married, so I’m hopeful that she and her husband have found ways to manage the situation. But at the time, I was flabbergasted (and isn’t that just a great word?) — why would you stop masturbating altogether? Why not work around it? I mean, I squirt every time I masturbate to completion (it’s a penis-owner thing, apparently), and I just make sure there are towels handy so that it doesn’t get everywhere. It’s not exactly fun to have to clean up afterward, but I do it.

There’s nothing wrong with squirting (or gushing). If that’s what your body does, then that’s what your body does. You can’t control your height, or your foot size, or your sense of taste, or what feels good to you. Why should you think you can control this? Love your body, and everything it does that is healthy and normal — and if normal for you involves squirting, love that too. Don’t deny yourself pleasure just because you don’t like what happens when you orgasm. That’s not healthy, and it’s not normal.

(I mean, orgasm denial is normal for some people, and I happen to enjoy edging, but you know what I mean.)