I like spanking. I like BDSM. I like being dominant. I like causing (consensual) pain.
But sometimes I just want to fuck. Sometimes I just want to throw my partner onto the bed and bury my face between her thighs until she’s sobbing because she came so much, and then, when she’s ready, enjoy a long, wet, sloppy blowjob. And sometimes I want to spread her legs and pound into her until we’re both gasping.
There’s nothing wrong with that, either.
I wrote recently that vanilla is the finest of the flavors (well, the Barenaked Ladies did it first, but I did it too). All of my partners are kinky and submissive; all of them like being spanked and restrained. But BDSM can sometimes be a rigmarole — positions, implements, restraints, pillows, and so on — and anyway I often get distracted by how turned on they are and I just fuck them with my fingers or my mouth until I remember that, oh yeah, we were totally doing kinky shit, weren’t we?
Sex is great because at its core it’s simple. It doesn’t require any additional paraphernalia. (Technically, BDSM doesn’t require it either, but it’s often present.) All you need is two (or more) people who consent.
Let’s take last Friday as an example. I had a sleepover date with Ann, and leading up to it all we really talked about doing was fucking. We also discussed maybe some spanking, but realistically we were focused on sex. I’m writing this about eight hours before our date, so maybe spanking did occur. Maybe I took out the floggers, or the wooden spoon (her new favorite), or maybe I didn’t. I’m thinking I probably didn’t, but that’s okay.
If sometimes you just want to fuck, then just fuck. It doesn’t make your submissive partners any less submissive, and it doesn’t make your dates or scenes any less enjoyable. Sex feels good. Do what feels good. You can always spank (or get spanked) next time.