When it comes to talking to new people (or even existing people) in the scene, I’m not patient enough. Not nearly.

Last week I chatted with two different people that I might want to do things to, who might want me to do things to them. I also messaged two people who are already existing play partners. The two new people didn’t get back to me very quickly — one waited a day, and then never replied to my response to her message, and the other only messaged me back once a day (to be fair, she’s pretty busy) so I was on tenterhooks waiting for her responses. As for the others: one discussion went in a very different direction so I didn’t want to ask her to play because it didn’t feel right, and the other already had plans.

I don’t like to wait. I’m always very prompt with my responses to people’s messages. I don’t see why they can’t be prompt with responses to mine.

Plus, the more time that passes before I hear back, the more worried I am that I’ve been ghosted because of something I said or did. I’m extremely self-conscious, especially when I do or say something that, upon further review, could be considered impolite or inappropriate. I haven’t been either of these things with the two new people, so I guess I just have to wait.

My least favorite thing.

Well, okay, to be fair, uni is probably my least favorite thing that I can directly control (I mean, I despise anti-vaxxers and science deniers, but I can’t really do anything about them), but having to wait is certainly up there. Or is it down there? I don’t really know. Whichever it is, though, I still don’t like it.

But it’s a part of being in the BDSM community, so I have to deal with it.