Last night, I dreamed that I was a judge of some sort of competition, assigned to one of four teams. When I got to the team’s location, all the adults were farming/cleaning, and the kids were nowhere to be found. The lead adult, Liz, told me that the kids had rebelled and were hiding, and I, as the judge, offered to help them out. As we headed to where the kids were, I said something to Liz like, “you’re going to owe me for this,” with this intimation that she would be owing me sex.

This is all right for dreams, but don’t do this in real life.

It’s also okay for books, as long as you know that it’s fiction. In Lessons, Peter is hired to “break” Eleanora by spanking her until she obeys. Again, something that we can’t do in real life, not without consent. I’ve disciplined people before, but with their consent. I’ve never just taken someone by the arm, bent her over, and spanked her without any sort of warning or negotiation beforehand.

No matter how hot it sounds, it’s assault. Don’t do it. Let your favorite writer handle it instead, and dream all you want.

Maybe this is why I have such difficulty finding new topics to write about — I need there to be consent, unless it’s a fantasy story of some sort. Part of it is my history; part of it is just being a decent person. In my personal relationships, I have a lot of trouble asking for what I want (despite being a top/dom) because I don’t want to abrogate someone’s consent — even if my partner has explicitly consented. So I don’t get what I want, and then I get grumpy because I didn’t get what I wanted, and the cycle repeats.

Clearly, I need to work on this.