At every national-scale kink event I’ve ever been to, you have to wear a name badge to indicate that you’ve paid and passed through security. Frolicon, SELF, TASSP, Lone Star, Oasis, Crimson Moon… there are no exceptions.

But I noticed something interesting at Oasis this year: most people’s name badges had their real first names on them.

I always put my Fetlife name on my badge and introduce myself with my real first name, so that if people want to look me up, they can get that info from my badge. My first name isn’t exactly common (you’d be amazed how many Daves I meet at events) but it’s not uncommon either. Still, I prefer to put my Fetlife name instead of my first name. There are some people who still use their Fetlife names (I can think of five right off the top of my head), and others who put both their real name and their Fetlife name. But it’s surprising to see so many Kimberlys, Annas, Marys, Ellies, Johns, Daves, etc., instead of their Fetlife names. Especially since I refer to them in my head by their Fetlife names. (I’m thinking specifically of one person I’ve known for a couple of years who, while I know her name, I think of her by her Fetlife name.)

TASSP was somewhat similar; a lot of real first names. But not Frolicon — there, everyone puts their Fetlife name. It’s a general BDSM convention — sure, there’s plenty of spanking, but there’s plenty of other stuff too.

I guess I can understand why people use their real names, to an extent; it’s easier to get to know someone when your name badge says “Fred” instead of “DomlyMcDomerson69420”. But, that said, what if you’re an introvert and you want to learn more about someone from their public persona (on Fetlife) before getting to know them in person? Generally at spanking parties there are very few people who, if they ask me to spank them, I would turn them down without consideration, but for me it’s easier to see “SpankMyBareBottom24601” and associate that with “Juliette” in my head than to go the other way around. Maybe it’s just me; I don’t know.

Another name issue I’ve come across is when attendees use chatrooms on Telegram or Discord to communicate; their names aren’t always the same. To help alleviate this, I might put something along the lines of “Fred (DomlyMcDomerson69420)” as my display name, or just use my Fetlife name on its own. But I can think of one person I know whose Fetlife name is vastly different from her name on Telegram, and if over 200 people are in the chat, it gets hard to keep up. Plus, if your name on your badge is, for example, “Eric”, and that’s the name you use in Discord, how are we to know who you really are? There are a lot of Erics at spanking parties. You could be the young one, the old one, the thin one, the fluffy one, the trans* one, the toppy one, the bottom one, the gay one, the straight one, the one who everyone wants to get spanked by, the one who’s very shy and doesn’t talk to a lot of people… and that’s just the start.

I’m not saying you shouldn’t put whatever name you want to be called on your name badge. I’m just saying that we have aliases for a reason, and sometimes I personally think it’s better to use those on a name badge at a kink event.