I, like many people I know, am not “out” on Facebook when it comes to kink and polyamory. Some of these people I know are also my friends on Facebook. Many of us still find little ways to express our kinky/poly sides without coming out and saying “I like to consensually hit people with things” or “I have a husband and a boyfriend, and both of them are seeing other people too, and we’re all fine with that”.

I have this cousin who is basically my mom’s best friend. She’s in her early-to-mid 60s, with two sons in their 20s, divorced, and very sweet and empathetic. I’ve known her since I was in college, and to me she’s always been in the “mom” category, not the “cousin” category. (Compared to, for example, my cousins who are in their 40s, who feel more like contemporaries to me.)

This morning, as I was perusing Facebook, I came across a photo this cousin posted of an older gentleman friend, perhaps in his 60s, holding a sign at a store that read “Active Tops”.

Because I’ve been doing this for 30 years, my brain seemed to categorize him as “older, friendly dom type” similar to lots of the folks in the local community. And then my brain said “is my cousin kinky and I’ve just never noticed this fact?”

It’s probably nothing. It’s probably just two friends having a bit of fun.

But maybe it’s my cousin, going shopping with her top/dom, and they’re having a chuckle about unintentionally-kinky things. Just like the rest of us.

And then posting it on Facebook.

(This post originally appeared on my personal Fetlife in 2016.)