Negotiation

While I was at TASSP, one of the things I had to do was quickly negotiate scenes so I could strike while the iron was hot. I came up with a pretty quick checklist in my head of things to cover, and I’m going to share it with you here.

For what it’s worth, N, who I spanked three times that weekend, said I should teach a class on negotiation. I’m not sure I’m the best person to do that, but this is a good place to start, at least for spanking-specific scenes:

  1. Do you have any medical or physical issues I should know about? This covers old injuries as well as possible STI concerns (in case skin is broken).
  2. What implements are on the “no” list? Obviously this isn’t important if you’re just going to use your hand, but it could be — I have one occasional play partner for whom hand spanking is off the table.
  3. What positions are okay with you? I usually start with OTK, but there are people for whom OTK might not work.
  4. What do you want to wear? This specifically refers to if the person wants to remove any clothing. Sometimes it’s better to be more direct — “do you want me to spank your bare bottom?” — but for some reason I think this sounds better.
  5. Can I touch other body parts? I always ask if I can touch the other person’s thighs, back, neck, and hair. I don’t always touch them, but it’s better to know than not. Corollary: sometimes I’ll ask if scratching is okay; I like scratching.
  6. What safewords do you want to use? Most people are okay with green-yellow-red, and at spanking parties it’s generally known that these are the ones to use so you don’t really have to ask about them, but it’s good to keep in mind that not everyone’s interpretations of these safewords are the same.
  7. What kind of aftercare would you like? When it’s pickup play, a couple of hugs is all that’s required, but if I can get some cuddles out of the deal, I’ll take them.

This is not by any stretch of the imagination an exhaustive list, and some folks have created pretty exhaustive checklists and forms. But in terms of quick pickup spanking, you can cover these topics in under two minutes and get right down to business.

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