Several years back, one of my exes came to me and said she wanted to know how to stop squirting every time she came while masturbating — this was a very new thing; we had been broken up for a few years. I went to a friend who I know is a squirter and she said, “put down some towels and buy a mattress protector.” This answer did not please my ex, so she said she would just stop masturbating.

Hey, her choice, right?

Squirting is often fetishized, but really it’s just a natural function for some women. Some squirt; some don’t. Some squirt with every partner; some only squirt with certain partners; some never have and never will. (I have one of each in that sentence.) Whatever kind of squirter you are or aren’t, it’s okay, and if someone comes to you and says “I promise I can make you squirt,” they’re not doing it to please you — and if you are one of those people who just can’t squirt, they’ll get all butthurt and blame you for it. You’re not to blame; it’s just your body.

That said, it’s good to plan for squirters. Just in case.

The first thing to do is to ask your potential partner — politely — if she is a squirter. I usually will say, “should we have some extra towels handy?” A squirter will understand that statement and tell you that yes, you should. But if you’re one of those folks who has one-night stands, or who is too shy to ask, you can still prep for it.

I have a waterproof mattress cover. My mattress topper goes underneath it — that thing was expensive — and my sheets go over it. It has never leaked through. I also make sure that I have at least one set of clean sheets, just in case they’re necessary. Try to get the comforter out of the way if you aren’t putting towels down, because those things aren’t easy to wash and can take forever to dry. And as far as towels go, it never hurts to have them handy, just in case — maybe your technique is the one that gets the non-squirter to squirt. You never know, right?

A little preparation goes a long way.

If you are a squirter, I encourage you to tell your partners so they can prepare. I slept with someone about seven years ago who I didn’t know was a squirter — and when I say “squirter”, I mean “she drenched my bed”. We had to change the sheets and not use the comforter that night. I mean, I’m thrilled that she was pleased by what I did, but I would really like to have known. I know it can be a little difficult to say that sort of thing, especially to a new partner, but please try.

Oh, and one other thing: if your partner is a squirter and she sits on your face, be prepared to almost drown, because it will go up your nose. This has happened to me on more than one occasion. I don’t mind it, but it can be startling, to say the least.

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