I started writing a story on Monday. It was a continuation of “As Hard As You Can”, which appears in Butt Stuff. I tried to go back to it yesterday, but I just wasn’t feeling it. That’s frustrating.
I guess it’s understandable. I have a lot going on this week and maybe there just won’t be any writing mojo.
Here’s some of what I wrote:
I don’t begrudge Mark asking me if he could get spanked by other people. He wasn’t interested in having sex with anyone but me — at least, that’s what he said, and I had no reason to disbelieve him — but he’d read about a professional spanker coming to town, a woman, and he was curious what it would be like. He showed me her Twitter and her website — she was younger than me, and pretty, though Mark always told me how beautiful I was — and we discussed it.
“You’re going to pay her?”
He nodded. “It’s not a lot of money.” He told me how much. “And there will be no sexual contact.”
“I know how hard you get when I spank you,” I said, folding my arms. We were in the kitchen; he was sitting at the table, laptop open, and I’d been leaning over his shoulder. I stepped back to rest my hips against the counter, and he turned the chair so he could look at me. “How can you be sure?”
“I’ll let her pull my shorts down to expose my butt, but I won’t let her take them all the way off. That should work.”
I shook my head. “You’ll still get hard. I know you.”
“But I won’t act on it. I promise, I don’t want to fuck her. I only want to fuck you.” He said it with just enough lasciviousness that I felt my cheeks flush ever so slightly pink. “I’m just curious, that’s all. If you don’t want me to do it, I won’t do it.”
I didn’t want him to do it. I didn’t want to take the chance that she’d be better than me, that he’d forever compare me to her, that he’d grow cool and distant when I put him over my knee and spanked him because I wasn’t her. But what right did I have to say no? We were monogamous, yes, but a lot of our friends in the spanking community weren’t, and we were the rare couple that only spanked each other. I mean, sure, I wondered what it would be like to let Kevin spank me — he was pretty well-known locally, and at spanking parties we’d seen his handiwork, both the during and the after — but I wasn’t going to give in to that thought. I didn’t need anyone to spank me except Mark.
So why did he need this other woman to spank him? What was wrong with me? What did she have that I didn’t have?
I know how the story is going to go and I think I know how it’s going to end. I guess that’s part of why I don’t want to write the rest of it — it’s no longer a surprise to me what’s going to happen. I really wish I could get past that part of my writer-self, but it’s been a problem for as long as I’ve been a writer: once I know the ending, I cease to care about writing the story.
Another issue with momentum is that if I (and this applies to most writers) don’t get any feedback, I don’t feel like people care about what I have to say. So if you’ve read my books, please review them. Or at least send me a message letting me know what you thought.