Day 22

30 Days of Kink, Day 22: What do you think is important in keeping a BDSM relationship healthy? How does it differ from a vanilla relationship?

Communication in BDSM is vital, not only for safety but also for stress-related issues. While not everyone in BDSM is polyamorous, many of us do have multiple play partners – as a lifelong spanko, even though I only sleep with my primary partner and one other play partner, I spank and am spanked by a few others. I would never not reveal a session with someone else, and I would never do anything we hadn’t agreed was okay between us.

Also, it’s important to take time away from the BDSM aspect of things. You can’t be “on” all the time; your brain would explode. That’s why I wrote the “decompression weekend” scene in Shell Game. With my primary partner, although I am the dominant one in theory, we switch fairly often (because I so love being spanked), and while we are in a 24/7 BDSM relationship, that doesn’t mean everything is all about BDSM. We tell each other funny stories, we talk about our days, and in those moments we’re just two people. Not two kinky people. Just people.

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