I just got home from Oasis on Tuesday, and I’m writing this post Wednesday night. I still have my recaps to do, which will go up tomorrow, but I wanted to draw attention to this post by cutiesushi on Fetlife, who says:

It’s okay to ask to play. Sometimes you just gotta just do it.

This is a huge stumbling block for me. Often I will see people I want to play with and not approach them — even if I’ve played with them before, and even if we’ve discussed setting up a scene later in the weekend. It happened with someone I met at TASSP last year, who I didn’t get a chance to play with; I asked her if we could play at some point, and she said yes, but the one time I came across her in the suites she looked busy so I didn’t want to intrude. It happened with someone with whom I’ve played multiple times; I was too shy to ask her, and she ended up asking me (thank goodness, because we always have fun together). It even happened with someone I consider a friend, who I spanked at the last Oasis; I could’ve just gone up to her and she would have said yes, but instead I texted her from across the room (and she said yes).

It also happened on Monday night, when Partner 1 and I were out with some friends. I’d talked to her earlier about suggesting we all get together for one final spanking session, and she’d said that was a great idea, but it took until we were pulling into the parking lot after dinner for me to make the suggestion. And it turned out just fine.

I’ve also been told no — I asked an acquaintance to play, and she said she’d just had a big meal and didn’t feel comfortable playing yet, so I told her if she wanted to play at some point she could ask me when she was ready, and if not, that’s cool too. She never did ask, and I didn’t ask her again, even though I could have on more than one occasion. I also didn’t ask the spanking model that I know (we’re on hugging terms), and I didn’t ask my friend who goes to every Oasis (who I’ve played with on multiple occasions), and I didn’t ask either of the two female tops I was interested in getting a hand spanking from (seriously, the two of them are amazing at it).

It’s okay to ask to play, no matter who you are. The worst that can happen is someone declines impolitely, but most people decline with a “no thank you”, which is just fine with me. If you’re not playing with people, it’s likely because you’re not talking to them as human beings before you ask them to play. Once you get to know someone a little, you can ask, and if they say no, they say no.

Of course, there’s always the chance you’ll get lucky and ask someone to play who you barely know at all, and they’ll say yes, and that’s fun in its own way. Rarer, but still fun.