I was watching a video recently where Tom Holland mentioned he’d DM’d Erling Haaland asking him to hang out. Haaland, who apparently doesn’t watch movies, thought Holland was just some guy and left him on read. Holland said this was the kind of humbling experience that all actors should have to deal with on occasion, which is a nice way of looking at it. 

It made me think, though, about how many emails I get (for all of my pen names) from various “famous writers” who want to collaborate or even just discuss writing. They’re really just scam emails trying to get my money or my data, and I delete them out of hand. 

But what happens when I get that one that isn’t a scam? What happens when (and this is highly unlikely) my favorite British author sends me an email because he wants to talk about my book, which he read and enjoyed (or didn’t enjoy, either way)? Odds are I’ll delete it because I’ll think it’s a scam. Even if his agent or publisher messages me, I probably won’t think it’s for real. 

It’s hard enough to break into traditional publishing by being a great author with a great story that hits at exactly the right time. These scam messages make it even harder. 

I suppose getting a DM on Threads or Instagram from a verified account would help, but since you can become verified just by paying a relatively small amount of money (for a scammer) even that’s not guaranteed to work. 

I guess the only way to be sure you’re talking to the author for real is to meet them in person at an event. But even then that could be a scam; after all, some authors don’t have photos of themselves online. I happen to know what my favorite British author looks like because he has an author photo on some of his books, so if I were to meet him in person and his name badge had his name on it, I would be gobsmacked. But I don’t put my picture on my books. If I come up to another author and say “Hi, I’m JJ Rose”, how is another person to know that’s really me wearing that name badge? I suppose we have to trust the people in charge of the event to vet the people they invite, and hope they do a good job. 

I just really hope this doesn’t backfire sometime with Chuck Tingle, whose face has never been seen in public (as Tingle; I’m sure when he’s out there being John Smith or whatever his real name is he doesn’t wear his mask). If you have the right build, the right accessories, and the right demeanor and voice, you could very well pretend to be him. 

One other story about my favorite British author:

Back in the early 2000s, he came out with a new book that had a vampire in it. I was working on a science fiction radio show as a producer, and I had read his previous book, which I’d really liked. I hadn’t read the new one yet. The radio show somehow managed to secure an interview with the author, and while I don’t remember how the interview went, I know it was only about ten minutes long. Anyway, I was assigned to answer the phones, so when the author called in, I got to talk to him briefly, and I told him I really liked his previous book. He said thank you, I asked him to hold, and on with the show we went. But when I finally read that new book, I was pretty upset — yes, there’s a vampire in it, but that’s like saying Black Panther is in Captain America: Civil War: the vampire is an important character, but the book ultimately isn’t about vampires, just like CA:CW isn’t ultimately about Black Panther. However, when the hosts talked to the author, all they talked about was the vampire. I feel like they missed a huge opportunity there. 

I have complicated feelings about my time working on that show. Can you tell?