We will tolerate a lot of things for the people (we think) we love. In my first marriage, that went both ways. In my case, I tolerated a lot of her bad habits, her gaslighting, her outright lies, her shifts in what she said she wanted from the relationship.

When we started dating, she wanted to remain a virgin — at least technically, although really she only wanted to avoid PIV sex, which is totally a legitimate choice on her part. She did, however, enjoy anal sex. Or, at least, she said she enjoyed it — especially the part when I came in her ass. We did it at least once a week for the first couple of years of our relationship, and more often than not she would be the one to suggest it. But as time went on she stopped wanting it, and didn’t have a good reason — or any reason. She just said no when I suggested it. Of course I didn’t push; I’m not that kind of person. But the same thing happened with oral sex; that disappeared off the menu. And while I was always into spanking, it wasn’t until we lived in a house together that we could even do it without disturbing others around us, and by then she didn’t want that either.

What did she tolerate from me? Well, in the last year of the marriage, when she realized things were really bad (I knew they were, and tried to communicate that — unsuccessfully, because she believed whatever she wanted), she finally acceded to my desire to spank her. She tolerated it, and I guess at the time I hoped that she would learn to like it. And if that didn’t work, I was willing to be spanked by her, which she also tolerated, though not as much. She even tolerated me going outside of the marriage for spanking activity, which she brought up as an option: as long as it was just spanking, I could meet up with other people. She didn’t want to know about it when it happened, but I had permission.

That’s when my tolerance broke down. I realized just how much I had been missing spanking in my life, and how much happier it made me to be giving spankings regularly. Eventually, with the help of our couples therapist, I told her I didn’t want to be married to her anymore, and it was like my life started over again.

Nowadays I don’t tolerate most things that don’t make me happy. For example, when I was dating someone and she started to make me feel like my first wife did, I ended the relationship. In fact, the only thing I really tolerate that makes me unhappy is my job, but that’s a different situation entirely.

I want to be with people who love spanking, not who merely tolerate it. And now I am.