I’ve talked before on this blog about how my first wife and I ended badly, and how the relationship itself didn’t go very well after she assaulted me in the late 2000s. We were together for 16 years all-told, and in that time she rarely, if ever, allowed me to go down on her. 

At this point it’s been 12 years since our divorce (and 13 since our separation) so I don’t really remember why she didn’t want me to do it. I think it was something as simple as she preferred penetrative sex, which is fine, but I was really into giving head since before we got together and she pretty much put a stop to it. At least, until things got really bad toward the end of the marriage and she started “allowing” me to do things I wanted, like spanking her and going down on her. By then it was too late. 

When you can’t have something for a long time, and then suddenly you can, you tend to feast on it (so to speak). The first person I slept with after her was a FWB who used to come over during working hours on my telecommute days (this was in the time before Teams, when no one could tell if you were actually active or not). The first time we were together was a simple spanking in the backseat of my car after we had lunch together, but five days later she came over for a more intense session. In the intervening time, we talked about intimacy as well, and she said that if I wanted to do something she wouldn’t say no, but she wouldn’t initiate. 

After I spanked her bare bottom thoroughly enough to leave marks (she had an iron deficiency so she bruised easily), I flipped her over on the chaise we were using, spread her legs, and tasted her. 

And tasted her. 

She came fairly quickly and started to move away, but I grabbed onto her thighs and asked her where she thought she was going. She sighed happily and submitted to my ministrations, until she’d had another dozen or so orgasms. When she recovered, she returned the favor (something else my first wife refused to do until it was too late) with great enthusiasm until I came down her throat. 

Oral sex with her became a regular thing; I’d spank her, I’d go down on her, and then either she’d go down on me or I’d fuck her ass. Fun fact: when my first wife and I were together in the beginning, she actually enjoyed taking me in her ass, but once we were engaged that door closed for good. I don’t know why she would’ve restricted herself from something that she said felt good, unless she was lying to me (and I don’t think she was lying; she’s a terrible liar). But my FWB was only too happy to take me that way. (We also had regular PIV sex, but not nearly as often as oral or anal.) 

Once I broke the seal with my FWB, I pretty much required oral sex with every partner since. Maybe not receiving, but definitely giving. Occasionally there have been people who were uncomfortable with it, or simply didn’t like it, and in those cases we talked about it like intelligent adults instead of just ignoring the elephant in the room. If my first wife had tried to talk to me, instead of just denying me outright most of the time, things might have been different. 

So I guess all of my partners since my first wife who have enjoyed my enthusiasm for oral sex can thank her for denying me for all those years. Sex-wise, that’s about the only good thing that came from that relationship.