I was mindlessly scrolling on Facebook recently when I came across an ad for Baker’s capsules. It caught my eye because it’s a “semen enhancer” that is supposed to increase volume and improve flavor.

Yes. On Facebook.

I feel like Facebook has aimed this at the wrong audience. I have it on good authority that I do not need my volume enhanced (multiple partners have confirmed that my volume is greater than many other people with whom they’ve been intimate) and no one has ever complained about the flavor. Now to be fair I’ve never tasted my own, but I imagine it tastes like most people’s who have a good diet with lots of fruit and a high water intake. I’m no Peter North, but I think I do a good job for someone who isn’t an adult film professional. (Yes, I have pictures and videos of me giving people facials, and no, I will not be sharing them here without express permission from the other people in the pictures or videos.)

I feel like, if I were to take these supplements, this would happen. And given that I tend to have sex on my bed, if it did, it would mess up my ceiling fan. No one wants to have to replace one of those.

What’s funnier about all of this is that even though I didn’t click on the ad Facebook must have recorded me looking at it (and maybe even screenshotting it, which I did do), and a few days later I got an ad for one of this company’s competitors. I know how social media advertising works, but in this case, they’ve aimed it at the wrong audience altogether.

I mean, clearly this is an issue for some men — probably the ones who watch a lot of porn and feel like their ejaculations are not “enough”. There’s a whole subreddit about it, and there’s even the “Holy Grail of Cum Supplements” that’s been going around the internet for a while. And yes, even I’ve written stories where the male characters come a lot, or forcefully (there’s at least one in the May edition of Holiday Heat), but I try not to focus too much on it. In terms of realism, some guys come a lot, and some don’t. Some guys come like fire hoses, and some don’t. Some guys have good-tasting come, and some don’t. I think if more people accepted themselves for who they are (and their partners accepted them for who they are) we wouldn’t have products like this one, but unfortunately men are so insecure (myself included, in some ways) that we feel the need to improve things that don’t actually need improvement.

If you want to take semen enhancers, more power to you. Literally, in some ways, I guess. But you don’t need them. Trust me.