I swear I’m not going to turn this into a work blog, but given that most of my social media connects back to my real name I don’t actually have anywhere else I can post this. So you’re elected.

Every meeting with my boss in it is exhausting. Take a recent status meeting as an example: we’ve been having status meetings with the on-site team and the project manager for a week now, every morning. Recently he joined. The site manager tries to keep things positive and focus on the good work everyone is doing, and the PM is always appreciative, but the first thing my boss says is “why didn’t we do this?” or “why wasn’t that ready?” If he’d been listening, he’d have heard us say that the customer isn’t taking our requests with the right amount of urgency, despite the site manager and the PM pushing them pretty hard.

Remember what I said about praise? It’s not just me that craves it. I can hear how down the team gets when my boss swoops in and asks a question in his usual abrasive way. Engineer #1 talked about all the stuff he did on his last shift, but my boss just focused on the one negative thing. I get it, dude: you want to solve problems. But you really need to work on your message delivery. I’ve worked for intense bosses before, but even the intense ones knew when to back off or give accolades.

I’ve been looking for a new job for a month now. I’m just not the right fit to work with this guy. I don’t want to be exhausted all the time. He cancelled the three meetings he had with me last week and it was delightful. My stress level plummeted. I relaxed. I even got some writing done. But next week he’s back in the office (he’s been working from our home office for a few weeks) and things will get back to normal.

Being exhausted at work spills over to home life too. It makes it harder for me to do anything I need to do, whether it’s exercise, clean the dishes, do the laundry, or even get to bed on time. It also infringes upon my relationships — first because I complain to my partners all the time, second because it makes me less likely to want to do anything but sit on the couch (with them, but still just sit) and watch TV. Cooking shows, for preference. I have all these dramas and comedies on my lists and I just don’t have it in me to watch them because I’m too exhausted by work. That then triggers my depression, which makes it even harder to write than usual. I mean, why would I want to write a hot spanking scene when all I can think about is my boss? (And no, I don’t want to include him. He doesn’t seem the type.)

I wish he could take some management classes and learn how to change his style, but I highly doubt that will ever happen. So I’ll just leave, and in my exit interview I’ll explain my issues calmly and rationally. It might help; it might not. I don’t know. But I can’t keep doing this.