I don’t have a praise kink. In fact, quite the opposite. When I’m praised, I get uncomfortable. Constructive criticism is something I can build on; it gives me a place to go with my efforts. But just telling me “good job” doesn’t really do it for me.

Except that maybe it does.

At my new job (I’m sure you’re sick of hearing about it by now, but don’t worry, I’ll bring it back around to kink by the end of the post), my boss doesn’t praise anyone. He’s very pragmatic and critical because he wants everyone to get everything right. But the closest he’s come to praising me, a new guy who could use a little positive reinforcement, is saying “yes” when I guess right about something. Contrast that to my mentor, who seems a little warmer in general and when I asked him how I was doing he said I was asking the right questions and doing a good job based on how new I am.

And really that’s all I need. Just a little reassurance.

When the guys I supervise do something good, or have been doing a good job, I make sure to tell them, usually by saying something like “thanks for all the work you’ve done on X”. It’s a little thing, but I find that it helps employee morale — or, at least, it has at my previous jobs. Most of the guys I supervise are younger, and at an earlier point in their careers than people I used to supervise at my last job. I think it helps them to hear their boss/supervisor saying “you did a good job” or “we acknowledge and appreciate your hard work”.

I’m not really getting that from my boss, though. It just seems like every time I do something right he moves on without acknowledging it. This is an endemic problem with him, by the way, according to my peers.

When it comes to kink (See? I told you!), being praised is difficult for me. When I do a good job spanking someone, for example, and they say it was good, what can I say except “thank you”? There’s nowhere for me to go, nothing for me to build on. Of course I take satisfaction in a job well done, and if my spankee is happy then I’m happy too, but where do I go from there? If someone tells me “that was a perfect hand spanking”, how can I improve? I always want to get better.

But it’s still nice to hear. In fact, I’m rather proud of the fact that so many people have praised my hand spankings specifically. I’m not the hardest spanker or anything, and I don’t have the largest or hardest hand or strongest arm, but there’s just something about my hand spankings, I guess, that people like.

So I get praised for them. And it’s nice. Uncomfortable in some ways, but still nice.

If only my boss knew how to praise people correctly. Maybe then I’d feel a little less overwhelmed and at-sea with my job.