No, I didn’t forget the “S”.

I feel like every other night (at least) I’m dreaming about my ex, and not any of the nice ones. No, it’s always my first wife, who I was with for 17 years, who treated me poorly and yet tried to hang on like a lamprey when I finally built up the courage to leave.

I realize she was a big part of my life for a long time, and I still have to deal with her from time to time because we have a child together (albeit one that is now in college), but maybe my subconscious could stop bringing her up when it doesn’t have to? I tend to have the same recurring dreams; the most recent one was me living with her at her house, having bought a house of my own but not having enough money to actually pay everything so I couldn’t move in yet. I got to my ex’s house, brought in a bunch of packages from the front step, and then let my parents’ dog and my dog out in the backyard to go to the bathroom, even though there was no back fence (in the house my ex and I shared, we had no fences). There was also something about a financial planner driving a green Prius, and me biking to a pub that only served alcoholic drinks and appetizers, but to there I had to navigate through a weird Walmart and then across a parking lot.

Dreams are weird places. It’s hard to tell sometimes what they mean. Why do I always dream about elevators, for example? I’ve been dreaming about them for decades — though lately I get into an elevator and the elevator, instead of going to the floor I’ve selected, flies off like the Great Glass Elevator and ends up somewhere else that I don’t necessarily want to go. None of these explanations are accurate in my case — especially the first one, given the job situation I’m in. I’m sure I could dig deeper, but do I really want to?

No. No I do not.

I’m sure I could also dig deeper into my ex dreams, but again, I don’t really want to think about her any more than I absolutely have to.