Yesterday I talked about a controversial sex writing tip — one that, if followed, would likely result in very little M/M fanfic ever being written, given that most of it is written by women. I do have some other, less-controversial sex writing tips that you might also appreciate:

1. Make the sex organic to the plot. Your sex scenes need to make sense in the greater story that you’re telling. That means a canonically-straight character (especially in fanfic) won’t just fall into bed with someone of the same sex because of reasons. It also means you shouldn’t try to shoehorn sex into a story just for titillation purposes. Yes, we all love reading hot sex scenes, but you can’t have your three main characters fuck in a shower just because you think it’s a good idea.
2. Realism is underrated. Readers can go anywhere to read unrealistic sex scenes — scenes where the men all have enormous penises, scenes where the women all ejaculate during orgasm, scenes where no one ever makes an embarrassing noise or has a change of mind or gets a cramp because of a certain position. What they need from you is how your characters would realistically react during a sex scene — as well as what they’d really look like. The average male penis is just under six inches in length, but if you read enough fiction you’ll believe that all men are hugely endowed. And yes, I know sex scenes are a form of escapism. I get that. I’ve written that. But you as the writer also need your audience to identify with your characters, and the more realistic they are, the more likely that is to happen.
3. BDSM is hard to write. Though popular media would have you believe that all BDSM is leather, whips, chains, and super-dom men with super-sub women, it’s really not. Your average BDSM practitioner can’t afford a Red Room; more importantly, your average BDSM practitioner is a real, live person who is more than just the sex scenes they engage in. Adding BDSM to a story adds an additional wrinkle that you have to research, try out, and determine if it really belongs there. Oh, and by the way, the dungeons you write about in your books are probably nothing like real dungeons. Just saying.
4. Bad sex is still good sex, when you write it right. Bad sex is embarrassing, frustrating, and often painful. Men sometimes can’t get it up, or face premature ejaculation problems, or can’t satisfy their partners. Women sometimes aren’t ready when their partners are, or are concerned about their appearances in bed, or can’t achieve orgasm because their partners can’t hit that one spot consistently. But it doesn’t mean that you can’t still write a good sex scene with those things in them. Flaws and foibles further character development.
5. Don’t put yourself into the sex scene. You should never be the main character of your story — the Mary Sue or Gary Stu. Especially if the MC is going to have sex with a thinly-veiled version of someone the author lusts after. It’s obvious in the writing when this happens: things go super-perfectly, both characters fit together exactly right, and readers will notice a distinct similarity between one of the characters and the author of the piece. I fully admit that all of my characters (male, female, nonbinary, and trans) are all a version of myself in some way, but they’re not exactly like me. (Okay, a couple of them are, but there are reasons for that.) I guess if you have a good reason you can put yourself in the sex scene. But only because I’ve done it myself. Still, the tip stands — if you can write about someone else having sex, it’s likely going to be a better story.