I’m taking a break from the third draft of the September edition of Holiday Heat — the draft where I address the Six Words — because, as I worked to edit them down, I had something of an epiphany. I’ve eliminated about 70 instances of “that” so far (out of 749, which is a lot, even for me), and as I’m continuing through the book I’m realizing that I tend to overuse the word during dialogue and description, but not so much during action scenes. I wonder why. My guess is because action scenes move more quickly, and “that” tends to be a word I use to control pacing. Some people do it with commas and other forms of punctuation (which I also do); I use “that” just as often.

It’s an annoying word because it’s really hard for me to edit it out. When I write a word, I usually mean for it to be there for one reason or another. I’m currently up to September 15 in the editing process; here’s two paragraphs with six instances of “that”:

The one problem with seeing Charlie so late in the day was that Jeannette couldn’t concentrate on anything else. She was going to get spanked and fucked, and that took up the front of her mind, crowding out boring things like work. Oh, she got some work done, but not nearly as much as usual; when she wasn’t working — or daydreaming about what would happen later that night — she tidied up the house, did some laundry, made a quick run to the grocery store, and did anything else she could to try and make time pass.

Not much worked, unfortunately, and by the time Charlie texted that he was fifteen minutes away, Jeannette was frazzled. She didn’t show it — she’d showered, and shaved, and moisturized, and put on a pair of black leggings and a pink t-shirt he’d bought her that said “I love tacos” in big letters and, under that, in smaller ones, “and being spanked” — but those last fifteen minutes took forever to pass. Thankfully, Charlie was one of those people who preferred to be — in his mind, needed to be — on time, so when he said fifteen minutes, it would be fifteen minutes.

Normally one of the easiest ways to eliminate “that” is to change it to “which”. Another is to change it to “it”. The first instance, though, can’t be replaced.

The one problem with seeing Charlie so late in the day was that Jeannette couldn’t concentrate on anything else.

I’d have to completely rewrite the sentence and it would be in a way that doesn’t correspond with my style — “Jeannette couldn’t concentrate on pretty much anything else when Charlie was coming over late in the day.” — and it doesn’t “feel” right for the scene. At least the second one can be changed, right?

She was going to get spanked and fucked, and that took up the front of her mind, crowding out boring things like work.

In this instance, I could change that to “it” or “those things”, but it wouldn’t feel as right to me as just using “that”.

when she wasn’t working — or daydreaming about what would happen later that night — she tidied up the house

I guess I could change “that night” to “in the evening”, but again, it’s less intense of a phrase than what “later that night” evokes.

Not much worked, unfortunately, and by the time Charlie texted that he was fifteen minutes away, Jeannette was frazzled.

I could probably get rid of this one, but it messes up the pacing.

a pink t-shirt he’d bought her that said “I love tacos” in big letters and, under that, in smaller ones, “and being spanked”

Here I could change the first “that” to “which”, but then I’d just have to address it when I get around to the “which” run-through, and in that case I might change it back to “that”. The second “that” can’t be changed at all. I could completely rewrite the phrase — “a pink t-shirt with ‘I love tacos’ in big letters and, underneath, in smaller ones, ‘and being spanked'” — and I might do so. We’ll see.

Fortunately, I can make a lot of these adjustments quickly in my head so it doesn’t take me forever to do each run-through of the third draft, but it can be pretty annoying when I read a section, reread it, and realize there’s nothing I can do to change it that wouldn’t change the style or the pacing. “That” is my achilles heel, I suppose.