Read part 1 here. Read part 2 here.

I came across an article on MSN of all places (I know, right?) called “15 Rude Conversation Habits You Need to Stop ASAP”. This is especially impactful to me because a few nights ago I did two of these things without even thinking about it, and I didn’t realize until afterward that I was being rude. I just thought it was normal. So I’m going to talk about the fifteen habits this week.

Prepping Your Response Before The Story Ends

This is often a part of one-upping the conversation or main character syndrome — you hear something, you think of something to say that’s relevant to yourself, and you load it up like a cannon, ready to fire it into the conversation. The problem with saying “don’t do this” is that if you don’t plan for what to say you might say something that comes across as thoughtless. So there’s a fine line upon which to balance.

Turning Every Conversation Into Gossip

If you’re in the kink community, gossip is pretty much how you learn things that are going on around you. Fetlife specifically disallows people from naming others in ways that could be slanderous or libelous, even if what the named person did is actually true, and since Fetlife is the main kinky social network it means there’s no real way to spread this kind of knowledge other than word-of-mouth. That said, there’s a difference between gossip and informing someone of what they need to know. Know the difference.

Asking Overly Personal Questions

Thanks to the internet and social media, we have a mighty need to know everything about everyone, even if such a need is manufactured by the social media companies themselves. We often ask overly personal questions in asynchronous fashion (texting, chatting, commenting on posts) because it’s easy to retract or dirty delete. However, it happens in person too.

Reading The Room Incorrectly

Related to teasing and sarcasm, reading the room is vital to not turning conversations sour. That said, we’re learning that a lot more people than originally thought have some form of autism, and one way autism can manifest itself is with an inability to understand others’ body language or emotional state. But just because autistic people can, for lack of a better term, “get away with it” doesn’t mean you can too. It comes down to understanding other people, and if you’re with someone who isn’t reading the room correctly, maybe they have a reason they’re not. Give some grace.

Not Improving Your Skills

The easiest way to improve your conversational skills is to have more in-person conversations. A lot of us introverts don’t like the sound of that — we prefer text or chat — but unless you’re directly observing other people while you talk with them you’ll have a lot more difficulty with avoiding rudeness. If you’re kinky, try going to a munch or two. (If you’re not, what are you doing on this blog?) Trust me, you’ll get into plenty of conversations there.