Someone I follow on Fetlife posted this excerpt of an unsolicited message she received:

burying my tongue in your candy flavored delicious sweet little poopchute while we look into each others eyes

Is it bad that the first thing I thought of was “how is that even possible?” and not “wow, that person sending that message is inappropriate”?

Look, when I’m going down on someone, unless she’s very slender with small breasts it’s not easy for me to make eye contact with her, and even if she is, I probably wouldn’t make eye contact anyway because my eyes are usually closed during that — the better to concentrate on what my other senses are experiencing. And sure, I know I have very limited experience giving analingus, but just thinking about the different positions I could be giving it in… well, none of them allow me to see my partner’s eyes. Finally, no matter how clean someone is, they never taste like candy unless they’re using certain soaps or body sprays. (I remember going down on someone once who used watermelon body wash and I almost couldn’t handle it because I despise watermelon flavor.)

I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised at the kinds of things dudes will send to women in unsolicited messages, but every time I think I’ve seen it all, something like “candy flavored poopchute” shows up in my feed. Sigh.