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How do you know when you need to set better boundaries? This post from Elephant Journal has ten signposts. I have thoughts.

1. You really struggle to say no. This is a tough one for me, because I like to please people, and honestly, most of what they ask me isn’t terribly onerous. I do sometimes have trouble advocating for myself — although, interestingly, I have no problem advocating for others. If I don’t necessarily want to do something, but I know in the end I’ll enjoy it, I’m more likely to say yes.

4. You over-apologise and often think everything is your fault. When I get into arguments with my partners, I’m more than likely going to take the blame onto myself for whatever is wrong. This is probably left over from my two marriages — especially the first one, where she made it out to be that everything really was my fault. I don’t mind being the one at fault because I can get past it. Not everyone can.

5. You complain about a person or situation a lot. Well, I used to complain about having to go into the office three days a week, but it’s really hard to set certain types of boundaries when it comes to work. I do still complain a lot about my first wife, because she looms so large in my life given that we have a child together. I can’t escape her.

10. You resort to quick fixes. Yes, yes I do. Eating, watching TV, doing anything to get my mind off what’s happening.

I know I need to set better boundaries in certain situations. Maybe you do too. Maybe this article will help you. Or maybe, like me, you’ll read it and think: “this self-help stuff is all well and good but when it meets the real world the real world always wins.”