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On the way home from Oasis, I watched a Swedish movie whose name translates to The Abyss (not to be confused with the excellent James Cameron film of the same name). It’s a dramatization of the Kiruna mine disaster of 2020. The entire town of Kiruna was moved three kilometers to the east — not like every single brick was picked up and transported, but a new town was planned and is now in existence. The film itself is pretty good, with a lot of edge-of-your-seat moments, even though the final action set-piece (in the school building) is a little much to believe.

The main character of the film, Frigga, is a no-nonsense woman and quite the pragmatist. This even shows up in her intimate relations — there’s a scene where she has sex with her new partner (they don’t show anything, and thank goodness, because I was on an airplane when I was watching the film), and right after, she says “you finished faster than usual.”

My brow furrowed at that. What did she mean, exactly? Was he usually a fast finisher and this time he was even faster? Or did he just finish faster this time but normally he has an average amount of stamina? My erotica-writing mind wanted to know. I think I’m going to assume the latter; usually when a guy finishes too quickly in film or on television it’s played for laughs, but this wasn’t, so I’m guessing it was because he hadn’t seen Frigga in a while and he was excited.

At least he didn’t seem perturbed by the statement, and he didn’t get defensive. Although maybe that’s a European thing, or a non-English-speaking-countries thing; I can’t think of an English-speaking country where, if a guy was told he finished fast, he wouldn’t get defensive about it. Take it from someone who used to have issues with stamina — seriously, for a few years there I couldn’t go more than five minutes, and often less, and my partner at the time took about seven or eight minutes to reach orgasm. Guys are very sensitive about their sexuality (well, most guys), and if their partner says something that could be perceived as negative, it can destroy an ego already made fragile by the media, porn, and societal expectations.

Although, to be honest, some women find it kind of hot when a guy can’t last. There’s a video of one of my exes giving me a blowjob where I lasted less than two minutes, probably because it was so hot to watch her and know that we both would be able to watch the video later. She was quite gratified at how fast I came. Now that I’m in my forties, my stamina has leveled out and I can usually last a good while, which is nice because sex feels great and I want it to go on for a long time. Still, on those occasions where I come too fast (in my opinion) I feel the need to apologize for not giving them the experience they were expecting. I really need to stop doing that, though; sometimes guys just come quickly, and that’s all there is to it.

The character of Dabir, Frigga’s new partner, in The Abyss.