I was talking to someone recently (let’s call her Erica) who told me that one of her friends (let’s call him Scott) messaged her thus:

Good morning, friend… and hopefully soon lover… lol

This kind of came out of nowhere (in Erica’s mind, anyway); she thought Scott was just a friend, and she was happy with that; she was polysaturated and didn’t have the time or energy to add another relationship — even a no-strings-attached lover (which is not something she’s interested in at any rate). She ignored it at first, but when Scott sent another, more explicit (not disgusting or anything) message, she had to have a talk with him about how she was not going to date him or sleep with him.

What I want to focus on, though, is Scott’s use of “lol” at the end of his message. I see it as a way of hedging his bets — he wants to sleep with Erica, but he isn’t sure she’ll be open to the idea, so he adds “lol” at the end to try and take the sting out of it. But here’s the thing: saying “lol” at the end doesn’t excuse what was said in the first place. It’s kind of like when someone says “I was just kidding” or “I didn’t mean it” when they clearly meant it or weren’t kidding. Scott clearly wanted Erica to be his lover, and he should’ve just said it straight-up. I know that can be tough, but honesty is the best policy, and having a direct conversation is far better than being obtuse or obscuring the truth.

If you want to sleep with someone, just tell them. Don’t throw “lol” on the end of the statement. That’s not what “lol” means. (It means “to blow air out your nose slightly harder than usual, indicating that you find something funny on the internet”. At least, that’s how I use it.)