I recently came across a post on Fetlife called “Four Strap-on Myths Femdom Doesn’t Need”, and I wanted to talk about it a little.

The four myths are:

• Penetration hurts
• No preparation
• It makes you gay
• Pegging is a must

All of these things apply for non-femdom pegging — after all, when my long-distance partner pegs me, she’s not dominating me. We’re sharing a mutually-enjoyable sex act.

Penetration hurts. This one’s a little strange, because I like it to hurt a little. Not a lot, but I love that stretch when she enters me for the first time, whether it’s with her fingers or her toy. But it shouldn’t hurt to the point where I’m calling red or crying out (unless that’s what the person happens to enjoy and it’s been agreed upon beforehand).

No preparation. Despite what you see in porn, everyone who gets pegged needs preparation of some sort — even if it’s just a little (okay, a lot of) lube. I don’t necessarily need to be fingered before I’m fucked, though I certainly appreciate and enjoy it. I admit that I enjoy painal scenes no matter who the receiver is, but in real life, that’s not a thing.

It makes you gay. I’m not gay, and I’ve been pegged plenty of times. If anything, I’m heteroflexible — there is this one guy, and also I spank (and get spanked by) both women and men. Just because I like having my ass fucked, it doesn’t make me gay. Preferring men, and only dating them, would make me gay.

Pegging is a must. The last three times I saw my long-distance partner, there was no pegging. Sometimes, my butt says no. It doesn’t mean our relations were any less enjoyable; it just means we didn’t do this one thing. In terms of femdom, there are men who have anal penetration as a hard limit, and any respectable domme will take note during negotiations and not break that boundary. It doesn’t make her any less of a domme, and it doesn’t make him any less of a sub/bottom.

Pegging is great. Anal sex is great. But what you see in porn, and in recorded femdom scenes, isn’t usually what happens in real life. Take note.