Recently a friend of mine broke up with a long-term partner, one she’d thought she’d be with forever. They were so close, so entrenched, that she had more than one tattoo on her body that was a direct reference to his name. When I found out that said long-term partner had ended the relationship, I was, to put it mildly, shocked; they seemed so good together. And they’re not the only ones; I know (at least) two other people who have tattoos related to prior relationships that have since ended.

But that begs the question: what is my friend going to do about the tattoos?

Tattoos are, generally, permanent. They can be removed, but it’s a long and complex process. They can be covered up or modified, but again, that’s a process. Neither process is cheap.

I don’t know how it would feel to have a tattoo on my body that directly referenced an ex — even one that I’m friends with or have reconciled with. I feel like it would remind me of what I no longer have with that person.

Look, I get it: you want to make a commitment. You want to show that you want to be with this person forever. Tattoos are, as I said, generally permanent. But any relationship can end, for a variety of reasons and in a variety of ways. What do you do with your tattoos? How do they make you feel? Do you eventually get used to having them there, as memories of what was and cautionary tales for the future?

I don’t think I could handle it. Just one of many reasons I don’t have tattoos. (I do have a couple I want to get, but they’re not relationship-related. I just haven’t gotten them yet.)