A few years ago, I met someone who we’ll call Sue. We hung out at an event, we did a scene together, and we became friends (and still are). I had a bit of a crush on her for a while — we almost slept together, but it didn’t end up happening — and even though we haven’t played since that event we still remain in touch.

At the time of that event, Sue was in an open relationship with someone who we’ll call John. John was not an ideal partner in many ways; some were not his fault, but some were. He didn’t treat Sue all that well, although when they scened or had sex she told me it was amazing. Fair enough. Amazing sex is great after all, and John and Sue were in a long-distance relationship so they only saw each other in person a few times a year. That generally makes the sex better — absence makes the heart grow fonder, and all that jazz. But outside of the sex, Sue told me John didn’t treat her very well, and they got into a lot of fights that upset Sue quite a bit.

A few months after Sue and I met, she and John broke up, and I was happy for her. She was moving on from a relationship that wasn’t good for her (in my opinion, although she told me that herself more than once as well).

And then, recently, I saw a status update on Fetlife that Sue was once again dating John.

Why? Why do people do this to themselves? Why do they get back into bad relationships instead of searching for better ones?

I mean, I know why; it’s the same reason I stayed with my first wife for five years longer than I should have: fear of the unknown and desire for comfort. Sue knows what she’s getting when she’s with John, and she would rather have that than the alternative, which is no relationship at all. (She didn’t date anyone, or at least didn’t post about it on Fetlife, from the breakup through the reestablishment.) And who knows? Maybe John has turned over a new leaf. Maybe he won’t get into so many arguments with Sue. Maybe he’ll treat her better outside the bedroom.

I only hope, for Sue’s sake, that it’s worth it.