I was with someone recently who was going through some stuff and they asked me to spank them, because it would help quiet their mind. I did it, and it helped, and I was almost a little envious.

Nothing, and I mean nothing, turns my brain off for very long. Sometimes, really good sex will do it for a minute or two, but before long my thoughts are racing once again.

I’ve tried a lot of things. I’ve tried meditation; I’ve tried spanking; I’ve tried watching mindless television; I’ve tried exercise; I’ve tried alcohol and marijuana. Nothing works. It just does not stop.

Ever.

Which isn’t to say I don’t enjoy the attempt, because I certainly do. I’m just thinking back to the last time I bottomed; I had fun, but I was in my head the entire time. I got the endorphin rush, but not the fuzzy-headedness. In fact, the only thing that’s even brought me close to subspace is EMDR therapy, and even then, I was so focused on what I was feeling that I couldn’t just sit back and enjoy it.

I guess I’m just one of those people who can’t stop thinking. After being alive as long as I have been, I think something would’ve surfaced that I could do, if it was going to.

Oh well.