Polyamory, as I’ve said recently, isn’t easy. It takes work, time, and energy. Which is why this Fetlife status update from EtherealDreamer resonated with me:

I have a pet peeve being called lucky or seeing my partners called the same. You don’t find these things, you build them. 

Here’s the thing: I do consider myself lucky to have found the partners I have. But I don’t consider myself lucky for building the relationships I’ve built. I put in the time and energy. I allocate spoons as needed — and sometimes I overdo it. I make mistakes, own them, talk about them, and move on from them, hopefully having learned something along the way.

Luck isn’t in the relationship. Luck is in the finding. It can take a really long time to find the right person for you, and it might never happen at all. If things had gone better with my second wife, I’d never have met Partner 1, Partner 2, or my Long Distance Partner. If things had gone better with my COVID girlfriend, I might have stayed with her, and also with the other person I was dating at the time (who ended the relationship because the COVID girlfriend was unfairly infringing on our time together). I’ve dated a few people over the years who I might have had relationships with, if not for this, that, or the other thing. I got lucky to find as many people as I have who I’m interested in and who are interested in me, but when it comes to the relationships, there’s no luck involved. It’s work.

And the work is worth it. Every second.