A few days ago, Partner 1 and I were talking abstractly about body counts, and I realized that, with only three exceptions, everyone I’ve ever had sex with, I’ve also spanked. We were joking around about how, every time we thought we’d listed everyone in our heads, a new person popped up. Well, at 10:30 or so that night, I said, “fuck it, we’re doing this,” and started a note on my phone. I went back to the very first person I spanked, back in 1995, and made my way through the years as best I could.

As of this post, I have spanked 93 people. (I haven’t had sex with 93 people, but I’ve spanked 93 people.) I’m not counting quick spankings at events — like, where you give someone fewer than 20 swats — but if I was, I’d be well over 100.

That seems like both a very large number and a surprisingly small one. I’ve been spanking people for 28 years, and I’ve only spanked 93 people? But also, that averages out to 3.3 people per year. Of course, while I was married the first time I spanked a very small number of people, and it wasn’t until 2013, when we separated, that I started racking up the numbers. But even then it didn’t get super-high until I reached about 2018, when I started attending more spanking events and branching out at Frolicon.

And, somehow, I kept adding more and more people as the evening — and then the next day I remembered yet another person. Odds are good that, before this post actually goes up, I’ll remember at least one more.

I feel like I should do something special for the 100th person spanked. Maybe make them a t-shirt?

Another interesting statistic: I have only been intimate with three people who I did not also spank — one was my first girlfriend, one was a one-night stand, and one was a two-night stand.

Oh, and by the way: neither Partner 1 nor I engaged in any shaming or jealousy regarding our actual body counts — for spanking or for sex. That’s not how we roll.