I was recently having sex with one of my partners when we needed some help. I’d gone down on her a bit, and when we attempted to have PIV sex she was too tight for me to enter. She was turned on, and so was I, but for whatever reason I just couldn’t penetrate her.

So we added some lube, and things went much more smoothly after that.

I will never understand people who feel that something is wrong with them just because they need a little help during sex. It doesn’t make the sex any less great, and honestly sometimes adding a little lube makes it even better. Some people are tighter than others; some people don’t get wet enough; some people don’t get hard enough. They all still want to have sex. So why not use lube to help things along?

I’m sure that, in the end, it all comes down to media portrayals of sex and sexual intercourse. I cannot think of a single TV show or movie where the characters had to use lube to have sex, unless anal sex was being had (which is vanishingly rare unless played for comic relief). In most mainstream fiction where there are sex scenes you don’t see lube being used — even when it’s men having anal sex with other men. Porn only seems to use lube for butt stuff — thank goodness — but if they use it for PIV sex you almost never see that.

And, to be honest, I don’t need lube that often while having PIV sex. It’s a rare occurrence. But when I do, I use it. There’s no shame involved, and we have better sex than if we just got grumpy because I couldn’t penetrate my partner.

Pick up some water-based lube (so it doesn’t damage your condoms) and keep it by your bedside. You never know when you’ll need it, and trust me, it’ll make things better when you do.