In two weeks, I’ll be at SELF. In addition to doing a reading on Saturday the 18th, I’ll also be checking out the event — programming, parties, etc. I’ve never been to SELF before, and unlike at Frolicon I won’t have a specific place I have to be the entire time. So I’m not really sure how I’m going to feel.
When I don’t know where I’m supposed to be, and I don’t have a specific person to be with*, I get a little nervous. Am I doing the right things? Am I saying the right things? Am I in the right place? Do I belong? SELF is generally known for being extremely accepting, but when I get into my head, it’s a full-on battle with my own social and societal anxieties.
* While I do know several people who will be at SELF, none of them will be “my person”.
So if you’re going to be at SELF, maybe come find me and we can talk. And, I mean, if you want a spanking, you’re more than welcome to ask for one. It would probably make me feel better, anyway.