Sometimes, when I wake up in the middle of the night, I think about the ones that got away. Last night, it was CL, a gorgeous woman I used to work with. We’re still friends on Facebook and she still pops up in my feed from time to time, and she’s still gorgeous. She’s also kind of a nerd. If I didn’t have a moratorium on asking out people at work, I would have asked her out. She’d probably have said no, but at least I would have asked.
A fair few of my stories are about ones that got away in one way or another — either we lost touch, or we broke up, or we never met, or I saw you on the street and thought “I wonder what it would be like to spank you.” The main character of Shell Game is loosely based on one of the grocery baggers at the store where I used to shop, just because I liked her hairstyle and her smile.
You never know if it’ll work until you ask, and since I never ask, fiction is my only recourse. I’m too… not shy, that’s not the right word… but I guess “worried” is as close as I can get — worried that I’ll impose on someone who doesn’t want the imposition. Of course, even when I’m in a relationship, I feel worried about imposing my will on someone, even when they’ve clearly stated that that’s what they want, and then they get away.
Clearly I have problems. Fortunately, I also have my stories, so at least it’s not a total loss.