Day 14

30 Days of Kink, Day 14: How would you say real life BDSM/kink varies from fantasy BDSM/kink? If you haven’t experienced real life BDSM/kink how do you think it might differ?

Real-life BDSM is slower – it takes time to tie someone up. Shibari bondage is pretty, but I don’t have that kind of patience. And as cool as it is to watch some of the scenes on kink.com, I’ve never been able to do a session in less than two hours (and when I do shorter sessions, I always forget to do something or miss out on something I wanted to do).

Real-life BDSM is messier – no matter how clean you are, when you have an eight-inch toy in your bottom, there’s a very real chance of there being something on it when you remove it.

Real-life BDSM is funnier – BDSM can be stressful, what with all the expectations. Saying things to break the tension and make both people laugh is a huge plus.

Real-life BDSM is more painful – I was with a new partner once, spanking her, and while she had ten years of experience with kink, she was unprepared for the intensity of the spanking. She broke the scene (didn’t safeword, just got up and walked away from where I was spanking her), laid down on the bed, and cried. Not just from the physical pain (I was spanking her with a rubber-soled slipper at the time), but from her own emotions. It can be painful not to be able to take what you say you can.

Real-life BDSM is full of mistakes – sometimes they’re good, sometimes they’re bad. But they happen. The real trick is getting past them.

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