About five years ago, I met a woman and we became friends/FWBs. We did a lot of kinky stuff, and played really hard. It was great. But four months in, she told me one day that she didn’t feel ready for that kind of relationship, so she was going to step back. I was totally fine with this — I mean, I was sad to lose her, but if she wasn’t in the right state of mind then we shouldn’t be together anyway.

The next year, I texted her on her birthday. No response.

Shrug.

Fast-forward to earlier this year, when she posted on Fetlife that she’s looking for a dom and/or play partner. I reached out, and we still had the same chemistry. She said she felt safe with me — I consensually hurt her a lot, but I never broke her limits and I never damaged her. We made plans to play, but then she got sick. We postponed for a little while, and then the day came and she had a personal issue. We postponed to the next day; same issue. We postponed for another couple of weeks, and…

And…

Crickets.

Look, I get it: sometimes shit happens and you can’t hang out with someone. But it would be nice to have received at least a perfunctory text that said “I have some shit going on; I’ll text you when I’m free.”

It’s not nice to leave people hanging like that. It makes them feel like they did something wrong. And, honestly, maybe they did do something wrong. But if that’s the case, tell them. Don’t just ignore their messages. Be an adult and say what’s on your mind, no matter what it is. If the other person isn’t mature enough to hear it, then that’s on them, not you.

I don’t want to hear that this woman is going to put me back on the shelf, but if that’s what she’s going to do, then she should tell me. I’ll accept it.

Don’t ghost people. It’s not cool.